Family Natters

Okay, men: you need to pay attention. I’m about to give you the best advice of your lives. To keep your woman sweet, there’s no real need to buy us fancy clothes or diamond rings. There’s lots of ways that guarantee to get you out of hot water for less than a tenner, and here’s one of them:

• Iron (that’s the small hand tool with a power cord that you’ll often have seen your woman using) a table cloth and put it carefully on the table.

• Buy 1 bunch or roses, carefully pull off the petals and throw them on the table.

• Put her favourite music on at a low volume

• When your woman comes home, take her coat off for her and pull the chair out for her. Don’t let her do anything in the kitchen.

• Dim the lights, or better still light some candles and serve a meal (can be anything), pour her some wine

• Start a conversation yourself, preferably about the neighbours or mutual friends

• look at her when she answers and talks to you

• wash up

Bingo! You’ll be able to behave however you want for a week afterwards, she’ll be so pleased.

Tell me if it works. If it doesn’t work, you will have done something wrong.